


Gently touches and deadly weapons

by Paradigmenwechsel



Series: Kreatief - Low creativity [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:36:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16359074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: Castiel is weak, there is no doubt about that…Castiel is unreliable to some degree…The Angel is useless on/at/in general cases…And that he is still there will forever be a mystery of this fucking Univers…





	Gently touches and deadly weapons

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if i will write this on, but i had to do this part to have an acceptable Explanation for Castiels more and more obvious Weaknessess, to be able to enjoy the Show further. ^^! Sorry this is a complete egoistic Piece that is out here just for me alone.
> 
> NO Beta no native...

Gently touches and deadly weapons SPN FF

 

Castiel is weak, there is no doubt about that…  
Castiel is unreliable to some degree…  
The Angel is useless on/at/in general cases…  
And that he is still there will forever be a mystery of this fucking Univers…

…Dean frowned about his own thoughts, watching as the Celestial walked from one Library side over to the other, carrying some of the Books Sam had pointed at before.

Dean watched as his Brother explained some of his still not finished newly sorting System, giving order where Cass has to take the Material to.

It is nice to have Cass around, Dean thinks. It is comforting and calming to have the blue eyed around but lately, and especially after Michael had left for some, still completely unknown reason, Dean had started to feel something else, something he didn’t liked a bit.

Cass had proven to be a loyal, a close friend, willing to give everything for them, but sadly though he had failed in most of his so generous attempts…  
He had not found them as they had been captured and held captive for months, he had walked into Enemy traps more often than the older Winchester could count.  
Cass had needed to be saved on regular basis and he had let go Lucifers Vessel, which had ended in a killing spray, although advised to have an eye on…

Dean sighed. He hated to see his best friend, because only one alive, in this way. He hated to see the mistakes and Weaknesses, the failures and uselessness now that Michael had showed him real Power.

At least when he is around, Dean keeps the Angel busy, always finding something Cass can do. He isn’t judging, the Hunter thinks, and he still is able to not show their buddy any doubts, taking him still as granted, even though Sam has frowned at him now an then about his jolty act.

But Dean isn’t an idiot, Cass has become weak, and more and more he is questioning if it is a good idea to let their stray Celestial come and go as pleased…  
It is also something Dean hates from the bottom of his heart that, for the first time, he starts to feel the need of herding the Angel, that he feels like tighten the leach that, no question ask, Castiel is walking with…

Once more the Angel passed him, carrying a good amount of Stuff to the other side because Sam had said so.

It is painful to face someone’s limits, it is painful and sad and exhausting to face a truth that shouldn’t be.  
But Dean can’t deny it, can’t look away or get back to the way things were before.  
He likes Cass and there is not the slightest bit of doubt about that, but because of it…, he might would have to let him go.

# ***

“DEAN!?”  
Sam walked the Hall, the Computer in hands, his eyes locked at some new Details on how or where to find Michael.

It had become a strange routine the Brothers had already gotten used to.  
Dean was in his room for most of the time and Sam was willing to accept that, knowing what Angel Possession could do to someone, especially some Control needing guy like his Brother.  
All to clear, even though years ago, he could remember his own feelings and thoughts about that, forced to the sideline, helplessly watching as he, more or less, had brought pain and threat and death to those he wanted to protect, to those he loved.  
Sam knew and he was willing to give Dean as much space and time as he would want to have.

However, that didn’t meant for the older Hunter to be in complete isolation, and there fore Sam was walking the Hall every now and then, delivering what ever useful or important they, he would find.

“Dean!” He called again as he opened the Room door, as usual without caring to knock first.  
“….HEH!” The older Winchesters seems surprised, all to hectic closing his Computer and staring with a bit to wide eyes at his Brother.

“…”  
It is weird only for a brief second and Sam decides to ignore all of his knowledge about the older Ones private desires and ‘hobbies’.  
“ahm…I think we may have something.” The taller Hunter explains, still standing close to the door but handing his device over.  
“If, what Cass has tracked from your head, is truth…, we might have another of his ‘Experiments’.”  
Sam explained.  
But Dean didn’t seem so sure.

“We knew already that Michael has the Code, with it he can turn every Monster possible, why would he get back to experimenting?” The dark blond Hunter questioned sceptical, leaving Sam to lift his hands in defence.  
“I know, but that is not the kind of Experimenting I was talking about. See…” The younger Hunter gestured to the Computer for Dean to read on while he remained on his position close to the Entrance.  
“Cass has found a way to retrack some Grace leftovers. When Michael is using his Angelic Powers he will leave bits of it on any location.”  
“…Oh great so we have managed to be one steps behind at any time…!” Dean growled a bit aggressive.  
“THAT IS NOT ENOUGH!” He added in frustration, carefully watched by his younger Brother who didn’t say anything about the sudden outburst.

“It is a start, we might figure out what he is really in for.” Sam tried in a soft, worrying tone.

“WE KNOw what he is in for…!” Deans green eyes sparked angrily.  
“He will destroy the world, Humans, US! No fancy college degree needed OK!”

Sam frowned and took back his Computer.  
“You ok?” The younger one tried, knowing very well how much Dean loved to talk about feelings, especially to him. But Sam had to try.  
This time Dean lifted his hands sighting in another sign of frustration.  
“I’m… I’m good, just tired…” He lied lamely.  
“I’m just…, It’s been weeks Sam, weeks…and we are not one step closer to any solution here. And while we are stumbling on our feet’s Michael is out there doing who knows what kind of Damage that we can’t stop.”  
Dean sighed again, looking down on his closed Display.

Sam could understand very well, he could feel this frustration too but over the Months that Dean had been missing, just once more, he had earned, learned a bit more patience, a bit more acceptance to work with what they had at hand and not to look at the ‘What if…’ problematic. But he could understand it very well.  
Dean was still in the after shock, still in need of revenge for being used like he had been.  
Dean wanted to punch something, find the Enemy, the aggressor and put him down. It was what made him a Great Hunter, and at the moment, it was what made him a vulnerable, broken Human.

Sam nodded slightly, understanding, took his Computer and left the room, leaving his Brother to his inner struggles.

# ***

Days passed and the track got cold, even though Sam looked at it. Days passed and there weren’t any new information’s or leads. Days passed and Dean got more and more angry, looking at Castiel walking around, being close or just sitting somewhere reading a Book he probably know already by any line.  
The older Winchester tried, he tried not to see the Angel as a disturbance, he tried to see his Friend as just that, but every time he saw this worrying face, the questioning deep blue eyes, he hated him even more.  
Hated him for being an Angel, hated him for being a useless one, hated him for being so obedient, so willing to follow and so weak in all of his patience…  
Dean hated it, hated to see himself and all the things he couldn’t risk to have, all the vulnerable and weak Human attitudes he had and Cass was so desperately trying to adapt too and to own them.

Dean hated all of it…  
And even Sam could sense the changing atmosphere, the building storm and the invisible threat coming towards them.  
And Sam was worried, he was alarmed and he was terrified that he might only be a bystander when it would happen.

# ***

It was on a Case all three of them had were out for, a simple one to collect the thoughts, to get out of the Bunker, as the tension suddenly got to tight and find its outburst in a minor incident at first.

Sam got back from the Sheriff’s Office, he was packed with Grocery and some new Details about the dead kids that had been found in the forest about a week ago, when he stopped in front of the Motel-room door, hearing his Brother scolding Cass in an unnecessary loud voice.  
It was a tone Sam knew very well from his Childhood times…, and the younger Hunter knew that Dean was currently blaming, yelling at himself but Sam also knew that it hurt to be in front of him and being beaten up by the words Dean chose to get beneath the skin of his ‘mirrored’ image.

Sam hesitated, unsure if to go in, unsure what to do about it right now.  
He knew that this week’s long strain would to be figured out eventually.

\----------

In the end Sam did open the door, he did step in in order to avoid drawing anymore attention by standing out there, listening to the yelling from within.

# ***

Against all hopes and best attempts, Dean walked out the room, he grabbed his jacket and slammed the door behind.

He had not only yelled at Cass in the end, but also at Sam who had tried to talk the older one down even though knowing better already.  
Now the two men left stared behind the other Hunter.  
He would get drunk, he would get a fuck for sure and he would ignore Sam and Cass for some time. It was mostly like this, and it had not gotten better since Dean was back to himself, as far as they knew.

“Will he be ok?” Castiel asked worriedly, still staring at the door.  
But Sam didn’t answered, instead he frowned and turned back at the stuff he had bought before to put it away.

“Cass, he doesn’t meant what he said, …he is just...worried and angry with himself.”  
Sam explained, looking back at their friend.  
“He does not think that you are useless…”  
The pale green eyes looked apologetic for the insults Dean had thrown on the Angel.  
Sam knew very well how this could feel, knew very well how good his Brother was in finding the weakest spots and using them against…  
He had had to listen to those lectures himself, had been called blood junky and worse at those times.  
The young Winchesters apology was sincere and he felt it.  
But still his Brother had some points and Sam couldn’t deny that he was curious himself, that he had wondered about those things too.

That time Cass had decided to get in Contact with those Demons, only a hand full and still he had been tapped into a weak trap right away, needed to be saved, once again, in the end.  
Sam was wondering about that.  
And he was wondering why Cass had not healed himself the whole drive back, why he had not even healed Jack who had been beaten up just as badly.

Sam was wondering and he was worrying as well.

The tall Hunter stopped in his unpacking and looked at their ally, he looked for an unusual long time before he found the courage to actually ask about what had happened that day and why...

\----------

Castiel had looked at the younger Human, had looked at him for a long time before he stepped in that conversation.  
“I am failing…?” The Angel was asking more to himself than anyone else…  
It left Sam to frown once again.  
“Cass you…, you’re not failing.”  
But the Angel smiled back softly, appreciating the try to calm him but scolding the lie at the same time.  
“I do…”

Another pause followed with none of the men looking at the other one.  
It was Sam who started over.  
“What is it?...” He asked careful and subdued. Not judging but curious.  
“I… I have seen you smite down Demons before, more than one. I’ve seen you fighting Angels one on one… I…”  
“You wonder, if…I could do that still…” Castiel answered calmly and Sam nodded, slightly pursing his lips  
“I can not!” The blue eyed Ally suddenly stated, unfaced but with sadness in his voice.

It did hurt to see the former Warrior of the Lord like this.  
It hurt that Castiel seemed to know very well what Sam was talking about.  
And another moment of silence enveloped the cheap Motel room.

# ***

Dean stared blankly in his second, overpriced Drink. The only Bar he had found near by was a bit to fancy for his taste but he wanted something to burn down his throat, to flood down all of his own annoyance.  
He had been a dick there in that Motel room, he had known it the moment he had called Cass weak and pathetic the first time. But even though Dean had felt these wrong words on his tongue he had not stopped spitting them out and throwing them at his long time Friend.  
This loyal guy, who had risk everything to follow them, to help them, to save them from what ever danger or threat that had occurred over the years.

Dean felt shitty for humiliating the only Friend who had shared so many foxholes with them, the one who had lost as much, if not more, like them.  
The Hunter lifted his empty glass and gestured for another.  
He was still feeling and thinking way too much.  
And he could still taste the betrayal he had caused with his words.

The words were still echoing in Dean’s head and he hated it.  
He had blamed Cass for allowing him to say yes to Michael in the first place, that he had not tried harder to stop, and later to find him. That he had not fought properly to help Sam either, and that he had become more of a burden lately than a real use…

Dean knew it was self loathing but he couldn’t for the love of god, stop himself from throwing it all on Cass, blaming it all on the Angel who never have left their side.

# ***

Sam had not moved and neither had Castiel. Both were still sitting at the small table staring down.  
“I miss my wings.” The blue eyed Celestial suddenly mentioned.  
“I had never considered their importance before…” He added more subdued and Sam could swear he heard Castiel sigh.  
But the younger Hunter kept silent, waiting for his friend to explain on.  
“I…realized only after…, that these had been an essential part of my being.”  
“I only realized afterwards that they were important.”  
Sam frowned and slightly tilted his head. He had read about Angel wings in the lore but since the Celestials had not been something normal around on earth ever, there were only a few, and mostly imagined information’s based on the Religious scripts in this world.  
Sam had not once considered to questioning an actual Angel about it, and he couldn’t quite remember anything about it while being possessed by those Creatures, which maybe was the reason he had avoided learning about them more than absolutely necessary.  
Now he was starting to regret it and blaming himself for missing out on that opportunity too.

“I have experienced loosing my grace or it fading.” Castiel went on, leaving Sam still struggling.  
“For a long time, I was under the impression that my strength…” The Angel looked absently at his hands.  
“…was something I could rely on, that it would always be there. That it would regenerate if needed…”  
“I had never considered the possibility that at some point I would not have access to it anymore.”

Sam’s frown got deeper. He remembered the time he had felt that Cass was getting worse and still he had called him out to help, still had expected him to be there and do every thing possible to stop the Demon Dean had become.  
Sam had knew, had heard it over the phone that Cass had been in real bad shape, that he had been very weak, but he still had not stopped him to keep him safe at the Bunker and slowly he was wondering why he was acting like that around the Angel, or at least why he had done so at that time.  
In the end Castiel had saved his life and his Brothers, showing up just in time and way better than before.  
Sam had never ask, had never questioned how that had been possible or what had happened to their friend on the way.  
He was not starting to regret that too…

“My grace is not regenerating.” Castiel mentioned as if it was a normal thing.  
“And I can barely contain the few I have left.” Finally the Angel looked up, looked at Sam who seemed to become more and more worriedly.  
“Do you know how Angels fight?” Castiel questioned out of the blue.  
It was something Sam didn’t know how to answer that exactly.  
“We use our wings.” The blue eyed ally stated matter of fact.  
“They change in form and structure during that… They safe Grace for exactly that, it is within what you Humans call Feathers.”  
“My wings could become very solid, could become a tool of attack or a barrier of protection…” He finished with pride in his deep, gravy voice, remembering the way his Wings had slit the air and wavelength in his best days when he had stepped into a fight.  
Cass could clearly recall the boost he had felt when his wings had been spread to full seize and the sizzling feeling of the Energy that had flooded his whole Existence.  
Castiel could recall being an Angel, he just wasn’t one anymore…

“Is it like…limbs?” Sam suddenly disturbed Cass Memories.  
He looked at the Human and seemed to think about it for a moment to compare it before he answered with a slight nod.  
“It is similar…” Castiel stated truthfully.  
“I could, have used them this way, yes…”

And it took some time to sink in, some longer moments for Sam to put together what their buddy was actually telling him here.  
What the Angel basically was saying here did sound worrisome, on many levels actually.

\----------

“So with them being…kinda broken…” Sam started.  
“Not kinda…” Castiel stepped in right away, clearing the last uncertainty about it and Sam nodded.  
“…with them broken, you lost your source of Power?” Sam wondered.  
“I don’t think I loose my source of power, It may just be the ability to fully recharge…” The Angel suggested.  
“But you used them as additional ‘limbs’, extensions of your body?”  
This time Castiel nodded to show his agreement.

“Have you ever been hurt? I mean before you had been to Hell to get Dean out. And by hurt I mean really physically injured?” Sam got more curious.  
And this time Castiel actually smiled.  
“I have not, not in the way I learned about it being on earth and having a vessel. And it is still difficult for me sometimes. The sensation of pain, and the intensity of it, how it can affect my Vessel,…me.” “I had never before experienced fear or worry, or want either. Not the way it affects me now, being so close to Human kind, physically and with low Energy.” 

Sam listened, trying to put it all together, trying to make sense out of all the information he should have known by now but never really wanted to, never even tried to figure out…

For Years now Castiel must have worked by their side wounded and lost, unsure on where to turn to or what to do about his own experiences and sensations.  
Sam was wondering if at least the Celestial had talked about it with Dean, but he couldn’t be sure, especially not after the last incident between his Brother and their Angel.

In truth, they had never really cared, and Cass had never burdened anything on them.  
Sam felt guilty all of a sudden.  
They had been bad friends to some degree.  
And it wasn’t about sending the Angel out, and getting him back to send him out again. It was about them allowing Castiel into their personal, their private world without him being just a Observer from the outside.

“Cass…I… I am sorry.” Sam stated, honest and serious and with guilt in his voice.

End Chapter 01  
___________________________________________________________________________


End file.
